Patience

After you've treated yourself 
to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant,
after you visited That Dangerous Site
and bought yourself something you have no business wearing,
after you've run half a marathon
and pushed yourself beyond your limits,
after you've learned Yet Another Thing
because you are insatiable,
after you make your bed and do the dishes
every day
to give yourself a Sense of Control,
after you play with your games and toys
to never lose touch with your Inner Child,

after the work week is over
and everyone goes home,
after forgiving your family for their sins
so that they can finally see You
but they still don't,
after you've called
and tweeted
and slacked
and texted
and emailed
anyone who might be available
just to hear their voice
but no one is there,
after all the people in your life
have scattered to their loved ones,
after surviving another holiday season
and somehow making it to the next year,

after telling yourself repeatedly
that you are Worth Something,
that you Matter,
that you deserve to be in a space somewhere,
that you are Loving,
that you are Loveable,
and there is still nobody,

after being told
that Good Things Come To Those Who Wait,
even though you've already waited fifty years,
that you need to Love Yourself,
even though you take care of yourself Every Single Day,
that Everyone Is Lonely,
even though everyone has Someone Else to be lonely with,
that there is Still Lots Of Time and Age Doesn't Matter,
when they've already done the things you haven't yet,
and there is still nobody,

after all of this,
and you have tried,
                                 and tried
          and tried
                     and tried
    and tried
                       and tried,
I am tired,
all too tired,
too tired to hope and care anymore
because there will always be:

                         nobody.